Out from a dark gray hoodie, a pink-flushed face appears. It’s Todd’s. He’s ready to review his job application with Mr. Deale, the store manager, clad in a vivid red polo.
Reading the top of the first page, Mr. Deale stops and squints his eyes. “You’ve written here that your middle name is … ‘IS‘?”
“Yeah, text for I’m Sorry, ‘cuz, I mean, I don’t have a middle name. Is, is that okay?”
“Is that … okay? I suppose. No need to be sorry.”
“Cool.”
“Now, Todd, I see for ‘How long living at your current address,’ you wrote WRT?”
“With Regard To.”
“Then you scribbled the letter Y?”
“Y – you know, for the word, ‘why’.”
“Why what?”
“Why do you need to know how long someone’s been at their current address?”
“Well, it’s just a formality …. Todd, looking down your application, I see it’s all abbreviations.”
“Texts. Figured you go through a lot of applications, sir, and this would speed things up.”
“For ‘Salary desired,’ you wrote IAG, NBD.”
“It’s All Good. No Big Deal.”
“And PT.”
“For Part Time. Part time, you know, that I don’t want full time.”
“Using all these texts, it’s highly irregular. For ‘Position applied for,’ you wrote, ‘IT.’ What’s ‘IT’ mean?”
“You mean, you don’t have an IT department?”
“Oh, IT. Of course we …”
“‘Cuz if you sell tech stuff, I’d like a job there.”
“On the line about any crimes, convictions, or sentences you may have had imposed, you wrote IDNDT.”
“I Did Not Do That.”
Todd’s iPhone rings.
“Just a second, sir,” he says, pulling the smooth, blue device out from his pocket.
As Mr. Deale scans the application further, Todd texts back, ‘dude’z clulss. wtf. w2f!!!‘”
“Okay. Done. Sorry. I’m all about technology, sir. You sell iPhones here?”
“I see that for driver’s license number, you wrote BOT 953 IIRC?”
“If I Remember Correctly, I think my number’s 953 BOT.”
“953 BOT is your plate number, Todd. What’s the number on your wallet?”
“Oh, that thing. Worst abbreviation ever. And for what?”
“That’s because it’s not text, Todd. And for ‘Means of transportation,’ you wrote GF.”
“My girlfriend, Mindy, well, till the old BOT gets fixed. But I’ll be here on time, sir.”
“References are very important, Todd, yet you left that entire section blank, blank except for NA. What’s that?”
“Not Applicable, which I crossed out and switched to WB – will Write Back, which I crossed out and put NA again.”
“Why?”
“Well, mothers aren’t references, are they?”
“As for work experience, under ‘Name of last employer,’ you wrote JTLYK MOM?”
“Yeah, for Just To Let You Know, my last job was for Mom.”
“Your reason for leaving the position was ‘POS‘.”
“Parent Over Shoulder.”
“Then, in parentheses, NC?”
“Not Cool. I mean, you know what I mean, right?”
“And then SLY?”
“But – Still Love You. S’all good. I’m ready to work.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-three.”
“Well … Todd, after going over your application and body of work experience, I see you’ve done some respectable work, but it’s not exactly Target level employment material, now is it?”
“But, I’m ready to work, sir. I really am.”
“Just curious. Below, you printed your name, but left the signature line blank.”
“Oh. Cursive is dead, sir.”
“Just curious. Do you know how to sign your name?”
“LMAO no! Laughing My Ass Off – no! They don’t teach that anymore.”
“Right. Well, it’s been nice to meet you, Todd. We’ll let you know if anything comes up.”
“Cool.”
“CUL8R. For See You Later. I just made it up.”
“Hey, gonna write that down, sir.”
“Try writing it in cursive some day.”
“Ha! LMAO, sir. LMAO!”
“Right. LOL back at ‘cha, Todd.”
“Cool. You got my number! Text me.”
Mike Andberg 